“Gross!”  ”I’m offended by this!”  ”Why McDonalds? WHY?!?  ”When is Ruben Studdard making a second album???”

These are some of the reactions people have had to McDonald’s new Mac Snack Wrap.  That last person presumably is suffering from post concussion syndrome and believes it’s 2004.

The Mac Snack Wrap is McDonald’s latest menu addition, a creation that I decided to try today to exercise my curiosity, and my freddom as an American citizen.  McDonald’s loves to find new ways to cram mass amounts of calories into a small item, much like a donut.  So after you eat it you grab another one and think “this can’t be so bad, it didn’t even fill me up,” no it didn’t, but did it add 275 calories to your belt?  You better believe it!

Introducing The Mac Snack Wrap! You'll never believe it has that many calories!

Now for those of you who haven’t heard of the Mac Snack Wrap, allow me to explain:  McDonalds has turned the Big Mac into a wrap.  That’s all the explanation you need.  The health conscious, rational thinking person will look at this and think “why would they do that?”  Well I’m a daring guy, I decided I’m game for anything that has gotten the go-ahead on a fast food restaurant menu, which as Taco Bell’s Chilito proved, isn’t actually too difficult a nod to pick up.

I like to advocate the  ’don’t knock it ’til you tried it’ policy, because even if something sounds gross, if it tastes good then who cares?  I really developed this mindset in college, when I would often prolong trips to the grocery store and would continue to make feasts work long after I had the items in my fridge to qualify as an ordinary meal.  I have put together some ridiculous combinations in my day, I won’t go in to detail but let’s just say I’ve used hotdogs with more things than I care to admit, and I learned to never sleep on uncooked Ramen noodles as an ingredient for anything.

So I walked right up to McD’s and said “ONE MAC SNACK PLEASE!”  …Okay actually it was through a drive-thru speaker and there was approximately a minute and a half’s time spent figuring out the correct number of McDoubles I was ordering, but I digress.

I tried the Mac Snack Wrap, and one word came to mind- vomit.  That is usually not the word I like to accompany my meals.  I’m not sure where it went wrong, ground beef is usually tasty, cheese is always good, and I almost always enjoy tortillas as my edible encasement.  Perhaps it was the special sauce, but something didn’t sit right as I consumed Ronald McDonald’s daring invention.  -Real quick, can we all just imagine Ronald McDonald inventing an actual McDonald’s product?  I imagine it would look something like this:

"I'm inventing a new McDonald's product!"

Awesome.

Overall, it didn’t taste right going down, and tasted the same coming back up, with a brief unsettling feeling in the moments in between.  Perhaps my Snack Wrap wasn’t cooked thoroughly, but I think my experience today was enough to conclude that me and this item don’t mix.  ’Twas a good try Ronald, maybe next time.

Don’t let me stop you from experimenting, go pick one up yourself and give it the old college try.  Now if you’ll excuse me, there is a BBQ sauced Ramen Noodle hot dog and cheese sandwich in the kitchen with my name on it.

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Castle and Mestizo kill it again… softly.  In this episode:

-It’s St Patrick’s Day!  And in case you didn’t know, St. Patrick was a G!

-What makes you happy?

-The sexting phenomenom

-5 things I hate about Cal State Fullerton

-The Rock running the box office?

-And if a man shoots his neighbor in a tree, and they live in Malaysia, is it considered an F’d up story?

It’s the dead of winter, meaning it’s the season of commercially enhanced love, all-star games and of course – tedious award shows.  The time where flavor of the month celebrities are showered with a praise and accolades on a platform that allows them to thank God and their agent. 

It seems like there is an award show for everything nowadays, so it got me thinking: is there any reason there can’t be a Castle awards? And thus, The First Annual Castillo Awards were born. 

estimated value: $2800 wing wangs

For those of you who may be lost on why the name of my award show resembles the name of a Latin baseball player, “Castillo” is the Spanish translation of “Castle” –so it’s only semi-random.

I rarely watch awards shows myself, because everytime I do I end up hot and bothered at the injustice that takes place when the so-called experts of a given field get together and decide what they want to push on society.  It seems like anyone can be an expert if they deem themselves one.

And thus, the theme of these Castillo Awards will be honoring the things I know nothing about. All the following winners are what I assume to be of the highest quality in its category, each of which I have, for one reason or another, never really experienced.

Enough talk, let’s get to the winners!

Gans in his 'just chillin' pose

If you buy this motorcycle it comes standard with two chicks and a big dude to back you up

If you can just sack up and get over the death-defying stunt you are attempting the entire time you’re riding, you can speed through traffic paying an eighth of what every large vehicle you pass is paying for gas. Plus, I would look like a total badass.